Missing Your Ex: Why It Hurts So Much (And How To Actually Heal)
November 29, 2025
After a breakup, it’s natural to want to make sense of your emotions. You might try to track your healing as if it were a checklist — expecting it to follow some kind of emotional order. But the healing process doesn’t operate in a straight line.
Healing after a breakup is more like a tide than a staircase. It ebbs and flows. Some days you’ll feel calm, even hopeful. Other days, grief or emotional pain might return when you least expect it.
This doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong. It means you’re human.
You’re processing the loss of a romantic relationship — something your heart once called home. That’s not meant to be easy.
You’re not “falling behind” in your breakup recovery just because you still cry, or you’re still searching for closure, or you feel stuck in your emotions. In reality, this is exactly what healing looks like.
These stages are not meant to be completed in order or checked off like a to-do list. Healing isn’t that neat. You might revisit one stage multiple times. You might skip one completely and circle back later. There is no wrong way to heal.
Even if the breakup was something you saw coming, even if you were the one who ended it, there’s often a lingering sense of disbelief.
You might:
Shock acts as a temporary buffer. It’s your mind’s way of protecting you from the full weight of emotional pain all at once. This stage is especially common after a sudden breakup, infidelity, or a betrayal.
Eventually, the shock fades. And what remains is the raw grief of what was lost.
This is when tears arrive without warning. Sadness turns into anger. Memories turn into waves of loneliness or confusion. You may even feel like you’re grieving a loved one, because in a way, you are.
Heartbreak is a form of loss, and grief after a breakup is a completely valid part of the experience. If you feel like you’ve lost a piece of yourself, it’s not because you’re weak, but it’s because you loved deeply.
Let yourself cry.
Let yourself feel it all.
That is love processing itself.
This stage often involves trying to make sense of what happened. You may:
It’s normal to want to understand why the relationship ended. Especially in romantic breakups that didn’t offer closure, this urge to search for clarity can be overwhelming.
But the truth is: closure doesn’t always come from the past. It comes from you, giving yourself permission to move forward without every answer.
Healing begins when you start to feel moments of release — even if they’re small at first.
You notice you haven’t checked their profile today.
You smile at something unrelated to them.
You stop expecting a text.
Release doesn’t mean you’re over it. It means the emotional attachment is softening. You’re no longer defined by your past relationship, and you’re beginning to reclaim your sense of self.
This is when the light begins to return.
You:
Reconnection is where you rediscover your identity outside the relationship. You may even feel ready to date again — but only if it aligns with your healing journey.
SAMPLE JOURNAL PROMPT
Which stage am I in today, and what does this version of me need from me?
Write your response without correcting or analyzing.
Let your heart speak first.
Here are gentle, research-backed ways to take care of your mental health and emotions during breakup recovery:
There’s no such thing as being “over it” in 30 days.
Whether you were in a long-term romantic relationship or a whirlwind romance, your emotional timeline is yours alone. Take the pressure off yourself. There is no deadline for healing.
If the emotional pain feels too heavy, don’t hesitate to reach out to a therapist or mental health professional. Therapy offers a safe space to process difficult emotions like anger, sadness, guilt, and fear.
You might also benefit from online therapy platforms that let you speak with a licensed therapist at your own pace.
It’s tempting to numb the pain with distractions — alcohol, jumping into a new relationship, stalking their social media, or suppressing your emotions. But these only delay healing.
Try healthier options like:
Grief after a breakup shares many traits with grieving a death. There are waves of intense emotions, physical symptoms (like fatigue), and a deep sense of loss.
Don’t minimize your feelings. Instead, validate them. You’re not overreacting — you’re grieving something real.
If you’re co-parenting, share mutual friends, or still have to interact with your ex, set clear emotional boundaries. This could mean:
Boundaries protect your energy and help you move forward in a healthy way.
You don’t need to have all the answers.
You don’t need to feel okay all the time.
You don’t need to pretend you’re over it.
Healing after a breakup is not a destination — it’s a journey. A healing journey that unfolds in real time, with real feelings, and no shortcuts.
Let your heart feel it all.
Let your body guide you.
Let your healing process take the shape it needs.
You’re doing better than you think.
If you need a safe, gentle structure to process your emotions and reconnect with yourself, the 90 Days to Healing Journal is here to help.
Designed for those recovering from a painful breakup, this guided journal walks you through reflection prompts, coping strategies, and mindfulness practices — one day at a time.
Because healing deserves space.
Because you deserve to come home to yourself.
