Missing Your Ex: Why It Hurts So Much (And How To Actually Heal)
November 29, 2025
If you’ve recently gone through a breakup, you know the pull: one moment you’re doing fine, and the next, you’re deep into your ex’s social media feed. Whether it’s their Instagram Story, TikTok comments, or a new profile picture on Facebook, the temptation to check can feel overwhelming.
But you’re not doing it because you’re nosy. You’re doing it because your brain is still searching for the person it used to turn to for comfort. You’re craving reassurance. You’re trying to soothe the ache of loss. You want answers, closure, or just a signal that you mattered.
The problem? Every scroll down your ex’s social media account reopens the wound. It reinforces a cycle of longing, jealousy, insecurity, and obsessive behavior — and blocks your healing after a breakup.
This 7-day reset isn’t about guilt or discipline. It’s about offering your heart a healthier alternative — one that rebuilds your sense of safety, identity, and self-love without needing to know what your ex is doing 24/7.
The first step in learning how to stop checking your ex’s social media is to eliminate the friction. Don’t rely on willpower alone — adjust your environment.
This isn’t about punishing them or creating drama. It’s about protecting your own emotional boundaries. By removing instant access to their updates, you weaken the dopamine loop that keeps you hooked.
Your social media feed should not be a source of emotional pain. Think of this act as the emotional equivalent of deleting their contact information: it gives your heart room to breathe.
Did you know your muscle memory is part of the problem?
Your thumb automatically navigates to your favorite social media platform — often without you realizing it. To break that subconscious habit, move those apps into a new folder and rename it something like “Later” or “Pause.”
The goal is to create a moment of awareness. A pause between thought and action.
And in that pause, you create a choice, one that shifts you away from the behavior and toward intentional healing.
Every time you feel the urge to check your ex’s profile, journal instead. The goal isn’t to suppress the urge — it’s to understand it.
Use this prompt:
“If I check their social media right now, I’m hoping to feel…”
Your answers might include: loved, remembered, wanted, connected, or even angry.
None of these are wrong. They’re valid emotions and unmet needs — but checking your ex’s social media profiles will not meet them in a healthy way.
The urge to check your ex’s account isn’t just a thought. It’s a full-body experience. You might feel a tightness in your chest, shallow breathing, or a racing heart.
Instead of fighting it mentally, shift your body physically:
Create a new replacement activity that gives your nervous system the chance to calm down and learn: “I can regulate without checking.”
One of the hardest parts of breakup recovery is grieving the future you imagined, the relationship you thought you were building.
You’re not just mourning a person.
You’re mourning the version of yourself that felt safe with them.
Write about this:
“What future was I holding onto — and what would it look like to release it gently?”
Let your grief be real. Let your tears come. This is what the healing process looks like in a healthy way.
Checking your ex’s social media after a breakup is a form of emotional leakage. Your energy stays tied to someone who is no longer part of your present life.
Place your hand over your heart and say:
“I am allowed to stop searching for what is already gone.”
This simple mindfulness practice helps you anchor back into your body and your reality. Every time you choose presence over projection, you reinforce resilience and self-trust.
You might not get the closure you hoped for. That’s the hard truth. But you can still choose peace.
Close your eyes, breathe in deeply, and say:
“I release the version of me who was waiting.”
Let this be your emotional goodbye. It may not erase the sadness, but it opens the door to freedom.
SAMPLE JOURNAL PROMPT
Whenever the urge hits, ask yourself:
“What am I trying to avoid feeling right now?”
Is it rejection? Loneliness? Emptiness? Write it down. Sit with it. Let your words create space for truth, not shame.
You’ll begin to notice small shifts:
This is your healing journey. Not a perfect one. But a powerful one.
Checking your ex’s Instagram or TikTok again doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
Healing after a breakup — especially one involving intense emotions or a painful breakup takes time. If you slip, restart the reset right away. Don’t wait for Monday. Don’t wait for the next crisis.
Start again the next hour.
That’s how recovery happens, in gentle, consistent returns to yourself.
If you’re still checking your ex’s social media, you are not broken.
You are simply human.
You’re craving connection. Reassurance. Clarity. Closure.
But the answer is not in their Stories, their comments, or their selfies.
The answer is in you.
In your courage to look inward.
In your willingness to feel without escaping.
In your decision to say:
“I deserve peace, even if I don’t yet know how to live without them.”
You are healing, even if it doesn’t feel like it yet.
Let yourself take your time.
Let your heart unfold, gently and without shame.
The 90 Days to Healing Journal was designed exactly for this.
A soft, guided space to help you stop checking, start releasing, and slowly return to yourself.
Begin your healing today.
