How to Get Over a Breakup: A Psychology‑Backed Guide to Healing and Moving On

Breakups can feel like your whole life just collapsed. One day you’re planning trips, sending memes, maybe talking about the future. The next day you’re staring at your phone, replaying every conversation, wondering what you did wrong and how you’re supposed to get over a breakup that hurts this much.

If you’re googling how to get over a breakup or how to move on after a breakup, you’re probably exhausted by clichés like “time heals all wounds” or “you’ll find someone better.” You don’t want platitudes. You want a clear, honest, practical roadmap.

This guide combines therapist‑backed strategies, psychology research, and real‑life tools so you can:

• Understand why breakups hurt so much
• Learn how to heal from a breakup in realistic stages
• Use the no contact rule after a breakup in a way that actually helps
• Figure out how to stop thinking about your ex all day long
• Recognize the signs you’re over your ex (or at least getting there)
• Know how long does it take to get over a breakup and when to seek extra help

You do not have to do this perfectly. You just have to keep taking small, kind steps in your own direction.

Why Breakups Hurt So Much: The Psychology of Heartbreak

Understanding why this feels so bad can make it less confusing and less shame‑filled.

The science of heartbreak: your brain on a breakup

Neuroscience research shows that romantic love activates the same reward circuits in the brain as addictive substances. When the relationship ends, those dopamine and oxytocin hits are suddenly gone.

• A study in the journal Psychological Science found that seeing a photo of your ex after a breakup activates the same brain regions associated with physical pain.
• Researchers like Dr. Helen Fisher have shown that early love and bonding trigger powerful dopamine (pleasure/motivation) and oxytocin (bonding) surges. A breakup can feel like withdrawal.

So if you:

• Feel shaky or “not like yourself”
• Obsessively want to text or check their social media
• Swing between hope and despair

…it’s not “just in your head” in a dismissive way. It is in your head in a biological way.

Attachment styles and why it’s hard to get over someone you love

Attachment theory (pioneered by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth) explains that we form emotional bonds based on early experiences. As adults, these show up as:

• Secure attachment: “I’m worthy of love; others are reliable.”
• Anxious attachment: “I fear being abandoned.”
• Avoidant attachment: “I feel safer at a distance.”

If you tend toward anxious or avoidant attachment, it can be especially hard to get over a breakup because it taps into old fears of abandonment, rejection, or engulfment.

Therapists emphasize: You’re not “crazy” for feeling this deeply. You’re having a normal attachment response to a major loss.

Is What You’re Feeling Normal After a Breakup?

Yes. Almost everything you’re feeling right now is a normal part of how to heal from a breakup.

Common reactions include:

• Shock, numbness, or disbelief
• Intense sadness, crying spells, or emptiness
• Anger at your ex, yourself, or the situation
• Anxiety, racing thoughts, or panic
• Physical symptoms: tight chest, stomach issues, headaches
• Obsessively checking your phone or social media
• Trouble eating, sleeping, or focusing on anything

Many people ask, “Why is it so hard to get over a breakup?” Here’s why:

• You’re grieving a person, but also:
  • A routine
  • A sense of home
  • Shared dreams and future plans
• Your identity was partly built around “us.” Now it’s just “me,” and that can feel terrifying and disorienting.
• The brain hates uncertainty. Breakups are full of “What ifs?” and unanswered questions.

It’s okay if you’re not functioning at 100% right now. What you’re experiencing is a form of grief.

Step 1: Accept Your Pain as Real and Valid

To get over a breakup, you do not have to pretend you’re fine.

Psychologists repeatedly note that emotional suppression (pushing feelings away) tends to make distress last longer. Acceptance doesn’t mean liking what happened; it means recognizing that it did happen and that your reaction is human.

Try this:

• Say out loud:
  “I’m going through something very hard. It makes sense that I hurt. I’m allowed to feel this.”
• Drop the internal deadline: there is no “correct” number of weeks for how long does it take to get over a breakup. Your timeline is your own.

Acceptance is the foundation of how to heal from a breakup without constantly fighting your own emotions.

Step 2: The No Contact Rule After a Breakup (and When Low Contact is Necessary)

If you google how to get over a breakup, nearly every expert mentions the no contact rule after a breakup—and for good reason.

What is the no contact rule after a breakup?

The no contact rule after a breakup means:

• No texting or calling (including “I just wanted to see how you’re doing”)
• No DMs, comments, or liking their posts
• No late‑night checking their profile, photos, or who they follow
• No asking mutual friends for updates or “accidental” run‑ins

This isn’t about punishment. It’s about giving your brain and nervous system a chance to reset.

Therapists point out that intermittent contact (a text here, a like there) activates the same reinforcement pattern as a slot machine—unpredictable rewards that keep you hooked.

When low contact is more realistic

Sometimes, strict no contact isn’t possible:

• Co‑parenting
• Shared home or lease
• Same workplace or classes
• Shared business or projects

In these cases, use low contact:

• Keep communication brief, neutral, and practical
• Stick to logistics: kids, schedules, bills, work tasks
• Avoid emotional conversations about the breakup or your feelings
• If needed, move communication to email or a co‑parenting app

Why the no contact rule helps you get over a breakup

• It reduces emotional whiplash from mixed signals
• It breaks the habit of seeking them for comfort and validation
• It allows the brain’s reward circuits to detach over time
• It gives you space to remember who you are without them

Action steps (today):

• Delete or archive the chat thread so you’re not rereading it.
• Mute, unfollow, or temporarily block them on social media.
• If needed, send a clear, respectful message:
  “I need some space to heal, so I’m going to step back from contact for a while. I hope you understand.”

This step alone can dramatically speed up how you move on after a breakup.

Step 3: Social Media Hygiene After a Breakup

One of the fastest ways to not get over a breakup is to keep a front‑row seat to your ex’s life online.

Why social media makes it harder

• You see a curated highlight reel, not reality
• Every post can trigger comparison, jealousy, or overthinking
• Dopamine spikes from checking their profile reinforce the habit

Studies on social media and mental health consistently show that frequent checking of an ex’s profiles is linked to slower breakup recovery and more distress.

Practical social media rules to help you move on after a breakup

• Mute or block for now
  • Mute stories and posts
  • Unfollow or block if needed for your mental health This doesn’t have to be permanent. It’s a boundary to help you heal.
• Stop searching their name
  • No checking who liked their last post
  • No deep dives into their followers or tagged photos
• Be intentional about what you post Ask before posting:
  • Am I posting this to look “over it” or to make them jealous?
  • Will I regret this in a month?
  • Does this genuinely reflect where I am now?
• Try to avoid:
  • Subtweets or vague posts clearly aimed at them
  • Posting just to get their attention
• Limit overall screen time Use app limits or downtime features to reduce late‑night scrolling that fuels rumination.

Managing your digital world is a huge part of how to stop thinking about your ex constantly.

Step 4: Take Care of Your Body So Your Mind Can Heal

Breakups are an emotional crisis, but they’re also a physical stressor. Your nervous system is on high alert.

Basic self‑care is not trivial; it’s the foundation of how to heal from a breakup.

Anchor your days with simple routines

You don’t need a full wellness overhaul. Aim for a few non‑negotiables:

• Sleep
  • Try to keep a regular bedtime and wake time
  • Avoid doom‑scrolling in bed
  • If your mind races, try a short guided meditation or breathing exercise
• Food
  • Eat something small every 3–4 hours, even if your appetite is low
  • Focus on simple, balanced meals: protein + carbs + healthy fats
  • Stay hydrated; dehydration worsens fatigue and mood swings
• Movement
  • 15–20 minutes a day: walking, stretching, yoga, light exercise
  • Research shows physical activity reduces symptoms of depression and anxiety
• Sunlight and fresh air
  • Step outside at least once a day
  • Natural light helps regulate sleep and mood

Pick two of these to start with today. Taking care of your body doesn’t just help you get over a breakup faster—it helps you survive the hardest days with a bit more stability.

Step 5: Allow Yourself to Grieve and Feel Your Feelings

Many people try to get over a breakup by staying constantly busy, jumping into a rebound, or numbing out with alcohol, hookups, or endless Netflix.

Distraction is okay sometimes. But if you never let yourself feel, the pain tends to resurface later—often stronger.

How to process emotions safely

1. Journaling (10–15 minutes) Write without editing or judging yourself. Prompts:

• “What hurts the most about this breakup right now is…”
• “I am angry that…”
• “I’m afraid that…”
• “Things I wish I could tell my ex (but won’t)…”

Research suggests expressive writing can reduce emotional distress and improve clarity over time.

2. Name your feelings

Instead of “I feel terrible,” try to be specific:

• Sad
• Rejected
• Confused
• Betrayed
• Lonely
• Relieved

Psychologists note that “affect labeling” (naming emotions) can reduce their intensity and help you feel more in control.

3. Set “cry windows”

If you feel a wave coming:

• Go somewhere private
• Set a 10–20 minute timer
• Let yourself cry or feel fully
• When the timer ends, gently shift to something grounding: a shower, a walk, a call with a friend

Your goal isn’t to drown in emotions, but to let them move through you instead of staying stuck.

This is a central part of how to heal from a breakup and, eventually, how to get over someone you love without shutting down your heart.

Step 6: Break the Rumination Cycle – How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex

A huge part of learning how to get over someone you love is figuring out how to stop thinking about your ex all day (and all night).

Rumination (repetitive overthinking) often sounds like:

• “What if I’d just done X differently?”
• “Were they ever really in love with me?”
• “Are they already with someone else?”
• “What does their last text really mean?”

Quick strategies to stop the spiral

• Use a “worry window”
  • Give yourself one 15‑minute block per day to think, journal, cry, obsess
  • Outside that window, when thoughts pop up, tell yourself:
    “Not now. I’ll think about this during my worry time.” Over time, this helps your brain feel less hijacked.
• Create a thought‑stopping phrase When you catch yourself spiraling, gently interrupt with something like:
  • “This isn’t helpful for me right now.”
  • “I don’t have to solve this tonight.”
  • “Thinking about them won’t change the past.”
• Redirect your attention physically
  • Splash cold water on your face
  • Stand up and walk around the room
  • Do 10 jumping jacks, stretches, or deep breaths
• Engaging your body can help break the mental loop.
• Have a list of go‑to distractions Not mindless scrolling, but:
  • Call or text a trusted friend
  • Watch something genuinely funny
  • Cook, draw, clean, or play a game

You’re not trying to never think of them again. You’re learning how to choose where your attention goes—an essential skill if you want to truly get over a breakup.

Step 7: Challenge the Story You’re Telling Yourself

Breakups often trigger brutal self‑talk:

• “No one will ever love me like that again.”
• “I ruined everything; it’s all my fault.”
• “If I were more attractive/successful, they’d have stayed.”
• “They were perfect; I’ll never find someone like them.”

Cognitive‑behavioral therapists call these cognitive distortions—thoughts that feel true but are incomplete or exaggerated.

Rewrite your breakup story

Ask yourself, honestly:

• What recurring problems did we have?
• Were my emotional and practical needs consistently met?
• Did I feel safe to be myself?
• Would I want a close friend I love to stay in that relationship?

Then practice reframing:

• Instead of: “I wasn’t enough.” Try: “We weren’t a good match in important ways. That’s painful, but it doesn’t define my worth.”
• Instead of: “I’ll never find someone like them.” Try: “I want someone who chooses me fully and consistently. This breakup eventually makes space for that.”

Your brain may resist at first. That’s okay. You’re not trying to lie to yourself—you’re trying to see the full picture, not just the version filtered through heartbreak.

Step 8: Protect and Rebuild Your Self‑Worth

One of the most devastating parts of a breakup is how it can make you doubt your value.

Therapists stress: Your worth is not determined by someone’s choice to stay or leave.

Separate your value from the relationship outcome

Reflect on:

• What qualities do I bring to a relationship? (Kindness, loyalty, humor, emotional depth, stability, curiosity, etc.)
• How did I show up well, even if the relationship ended?

Write these down and keep them somewhere visible. Read them when you slip into harsh self‑criticism.

Avoid destructive comparisons

Post‑breakup, it’s tempting to:

• Compare yourself to their new partner (or imagined future partner)
• Pick apart your appearance, career, or achievements
• Compare your healing timeline to friends or influencers

When you catch yourself doing this, gently redirect:

“This comparison is hurting me. What is one small thing I can do right now that would support my healing?”

That might be:

• Texting a safe friend
• Making tea or a snack
• Going for a short walk
• Reading one page of a book
• Continuing a creative hobby

Protecting your self‑worth is crucial if you want to not only get over a breakup but also choose healthier relationships in the future.

Step 9: Use Your Support System Intentionally

You do not need to get over a breakup alone. In fact, isolation usually makes things worse.

Lean on safe people

Consider reaching out to:

• Close friends who listen without judgment
• Family members who make you feel grounded
• A therapist, counselor, or coach if available
• Support groups (online or in person) for relationship recovery

You can say:

“I’m having a hard time with this breakup. I don’t need advice right now—could you just listen?”

or

“Can we hang out? I need a distraction and some company.”

Clear requests help people show up for you in the way you actually need.

Set boundaries with less helpful people

It’s okay to limit contact with people who:

• Minimize your pain (“You should be over it by now”)
• Constantly bring up your ex or send you updates
• Pressure you into rebounds or partying when you’re not ready
• Judge you for struggling

Your healing comes first.

Step 10: Remove Triggers and Redesign Your Space

Your environment can either keep reopening the wound or gently support you as you move on after a breakup.

Do a gentle “ex detox”

You don’t have to burn everything. Just create some distance:

• Box up photos, gifts, and mementos and put them out of sight
• Move or store items that trigger intense memories (their mug, sweatshirt, etc.)
• Change your phone wallpaper if it reminds you of them
• Shift routines you used to share (go to a different café, take a new walking route)

Refresh your space for this new chapter

Small changes can signal to your brain: “This is my space now. I’m allowed to shape it.”

• Rearrange furniture
• Wash your bedding and add a new pillow or blanket
• Start a tiny ritual corner for journaling, reading, or relaxing
• Add a plant, candle, or artwork that feels like you

These changes support your nervous system in adjusting to life without your ex—and are a practical part of how to move on after a breakup.

Step 11: Reconnect With Yourself and Rebuild Your Identity

A breakup doesn’t just end a relationship; it can shake your sense of who you are. To truly get over a breakup, you’re not just moving away from them—you’re moving back toward yourself.

Questions to explore

• What did I enjoy doing before this relationship?
• What did I stop doing because it didn’t fit our schedule or their preferences?
• If I didn’t have to consider anyone else, how would I spend a free weekend?

Practical ways to reconnect with yourself

• Revisit old hobbies (music, art, sports, gaming, reading, writing)
• Try something new you always postponed (a class, club, language, sport)
• Do small solo dates: coffee alone, a movie, a walk with a podcast
• Make a “post‑breakup bucket list” of simple things you want to try

The goal isn’t to stay frantically busy; it’s to rebuild a life that feels like it belongs to you, not to you‑and‑your‑ex.

This is where how to move on after a breakup overlaps with general life growth: you’re creating a version of yourself that feels interesting, grounded, and whole.

Step 12: Handle Shared Logistics (Home, Kids, Money, Friends)

Getting over a breakup is extra complicated when your lives are deeply intertwined.

Co‑parenting after a breakup

If you share children, your focus shifts from “no contact” to structured, respectful co‑parenting:

• Communicate primarily about the kids: schedules, health, school
• Use written channels (email, co‑parenting apps) if direct contact gets emotional
• Avoid criticizing your ex in front of the kids—they still have a relationship with them
• Consider co‑parenting counseling to create a stable plan

You can still emotionally detach while remaining a responsible co‑parent.

Shared home or finances

If you’re living together during or after a breakup, or untangling shared bills:

• Set clear timelines for moving out or separating finances
• Consider neutral third‑party help (mediator, financial advisor, lawyer if needed)
• Keep conversations focused on logistics, not blame or rehashing the past

Taking practical steps, even small ones, can reduce anxiety and help you move on after a breakup more steadily.

Shared friend groups

Friends might feel awkward or “caught in the middle.” To reduce drama:

• Don’t force people to choose sides
• Ask close friends to avoid sharing updates about your ex
• Create some new social spaces: different events, clubs, or communities

It’s okay if your social life looks different for a while. You’re allowed to protect your peace.

Step 13: Be Cautious With Rebounds and Getting Back Together

When the pain is at its worst, it’s very tempting to:

• Hook up with someone new just to feel desired
• Jump straight into a new relationship
• Text your ex, begging to try again

These reactions are human—not shameful—but it helps to understand your motives.

Before starting something new

Ask yourself:

• Am I truly curious about this new person, or just desperate to feel better?
• If my ex texted right now, would I drop this person immediately?
• Do I want a relationship, or do I want relief from loneliness and withdrawal?

Going slow doesn’t mean you have to stay single forever—it just means you’re giving yourself time to heal enough to choose more clearly.

Before trying to get back with your ex

Sometimes couples reconcile and truly build healthier relationships. More often, they repeat the same painful patterns.

Ask:

• Has anything concrete changed (therapy, communication skills, life circumstances)?
• Do we both fully acknowledge what went wrong, or are we minimizing it?
• Will going back mean betraying my own needs or values?

For reconciliation to be healthy, it should be rooted in mutual growth and change, not panic or fear of being alone.

Step 14: Signs You’re Over Your Ex (or at Least Healing)

It’s common to wonder: “How do I know if I’m actually getting over a breakup?” You may not wake up one day magically cured. Healing is usually gradual and subtle.

Here are some signs you’re over your ex—or moving in that direction:

• You can go hours, then a full day, without thinking about them
• The urge to check their social media has faded or disappeared
• You can hear their name without feeling sick or panicky
• Memories still make you emotional, but they no longer define your entire mood
• You start planning your future without automatically picturing them in it
• You feel moments of genuine joy, curiosity, or excitement again
• You feel more curious about potential partners than obsessed with your past one

Remember: having a sad day or missing them for a moment does not mean you’ve “gone backwards.” Even when you’re mostly over your ex, occasional waves of emotion are normal.

These are real‑world signs you’re over your ex enough to build a life that’s not centered around them anymore.

How Long Does It Take to Get Over a Breakup?

One of the most common questions people ask is: How long does it take to get over a breakup?

There is no universal formula, but here are some general patterns therapists notice:

• First few days to weeks: shock, intense sadness, and anxiety are common
• 1–3 months: routines start to stabilize; triggers sting a bit less
• 3–6+ months: more insight and meaning; more days where you feel okay than not
• Beyond 6 months: many people feel significantly healed, though big dates/anniversaries can still bring up feelings

Factors that affect how long it takes to get over a breakup:

• Length and depth of the relationship
• Whether it was your first love
• How intertwined your lives were
• If there was betrayal, cheating, or abuse
• Your attachment style and past relationship history
• Your support system and coping strategies

If you’re wondering how long does it take to get over a breakup because you feel “behind,” remember: healing is not a race. Two steps forward, one step back is still progress.

Different Breakup Scenarios: Why Your Pain Might Feel Unique

While the core steps of how to get over a breakup are similar, your situation matters. You might need extra nuance and self‑compassion.

If you were dumped

• You may feel blindsided, rejected, or “not good enough”
• Obsessive questioning (“Why wasn’t I chosen?”) is common
• Focus on rebuilding self‑worth and challenging negative narratives

If you initiated the breakup

• You might feel guilt, doubt, or loneliness—even if you know it was right
• You may question, “Did I make a mistake?” especially on hard days
• Remember: missing someone does not mean you should be with them

If there was cheating or betrayal

• It can be especially hard to get over someone you love who also deeply hurt you
• You may struggle with self‑blame (“What did I do wrong?”) or trust issues
• Therapy can be particularly helpful here to rebuild trust in yourself and others

If it was a toxic or abusive relationship

• You might miss the good moments while forgetting the pattern of harm
• Trauma bonding can make it very difficult to leave and stay away
• In these cases, “just staying friends” is usually not safe or healthy
• Consider specialized support (domestic violence hotlines, trauma‑informed therapists)

If it was a long‑distance breakup

• You might grieve the future you built more than the day‑to‑day routine
• There may be fewer shared physical spaces, but more intense emotional fantasies to let go of
• Focus on creating tangible routines in your present environment

If it was your first love

• First loves often feel irreplaceable because they’re tied to many “firsts” in your identity
• It’s very normal for how long does it take to get over a breakup to feel longer here
• This doesn’t mean you’ll never love again—just that this loss is major, and it’s okay to take it seriously

How to Get Over a Breakup for Different People (Guys, Women, and Beyond)

Emotional pain after a breakup is human, not gendered. But culture teaches different coping styles—especially about how to get over a breakup for guys versus how to get over a breakup for women.

How to get over a breakup for guys

Men are often socialized to:

• “Man up” and avoid showing vulnerability
• Numb pain with work, substances, or casual sex
• Avoid talking about emotions with friends

This can make it harder to process the breakup and move on after a breakup in a healthy way.

Tips that can help:

• Talk to at least one trusted friend or therapist about what you’re feeling
• Watch for self‑destructive coping (excessive drinking, reckless behavior)
• Give yourself permission to grieve; pain doesn’t make you weak
• Choose a couple of grounded habits (gym, journaling, therapy) instead of trying to “win the breakup”

How to get over a breakup for women

Women are often socialized to:

• Blame themselves (“If I’d just been better…”)
• Over‑analyze every detail with friends
• Prioritize others’ needs over their own, even post‑breakup

Supportive strategies include:

• Watching self‑blame and perfectionism—relationships are a two‑person system
• Balancing processing with action (self‑care, boundaries, new routines)
• Saying no to being the emotional caretaker of your ex or others while you’re still raw
• Focusing not only on why it happened but on what you need going forward

Regardless of gender or identity, everyone deserves space to feel, support to heal, and tools to get over a breakup without losing themselves.

When and How to Seek Professional Help

Sometimes, the pain of a breakup overlaps with or triggers deeper mental health struggles. Reaching out for help is a sign of courage, not failure.

Consider therapy or extra support if:

• You feel persistently hopeless or numb for weeks
• You can’t function at work/school or with basic tasks
• You’re using alcohol, drugs, or self‑harm to cope
• You have thoughts of wanting to die or hurt yourself
• The breakup involved abuse, control, or trauma
• Old wounds (childhood neglect, previous trauma) are flooding back

Options for professional support

• Individual therapy
  • Licensed psychologist, counselor, or social worker
  • Specialties: relationship issues, trauma, anxiety, depression
• Support groups
  • Breakup or divorce recovery groups
  • Online communities (check moderation and safety)
• Hotlines and crisis services (if in immediate danger or crisis)
  • Local or national crisis hotlines
  • Text or chat services if you prefer not to call

A therapist can help you:

• Understand your patterns
• Process grief and anger
• Rebuild self‑worth
• Learn healthier relationship skills

Professional help can significantly change how to heal from a breakup—from barely surviving to actually growing through it.

Common Mistakes That Make It Harder to Get Over a Breakup

As you figure out how to get over a breakup, watch for these very human—but unhelpful—habits:

• Drunk texting or calling your ex
  • Alcohol lowers inhibitions and amplifies emotion
  • Try deleting their number or using an app that locks certain contacts during certain hours
• Trying to stay close friends immediately
  • Friendship may be possible one day, but not while the wound is fresh
  • Give yourself time to detach emotionally before attempting a platonic relationship
• Stalking their social media
  • Every check is a new emotional wound
  • Commit to your social media hygiene plan
• Idealizing the relationship
  • Remember the whole picture, including unmet needs and conflicts
  • Journaling lists of “what hurt” and “what I need next time” can help
• Rushing into major life decisions
  • New city, new job, dramatic haircuts, big tattoos—these can wait until the crisis phase calms
  • Try not to make irreversible decisions in the first few weeks unless absolutely necessary
• Assuming you should be “over it” by a set date
  • Comparison to others’ timelines only adds shame
  • Focus on consistent small steps, not a finish line

Avoiding these common traps can shorten how long it takes to get over a breakup and reduce unnecessary extra pain.

How to Move On After a Breakup: Turning Pain Into Growth

As the intensity of the breakup slowly lessens, how to move on after a breakup becomes less about crisis management and more about growth.

Reflect on what you learned

When you’re ready (not in the first raw weeks), ask:

• What patterns did I notice in myself?
• Were there red flags I ignored? Why?
• What do I now know I need in a partner? In myself?
• How did I show courage, love, and effort, even if it ended?

You’re not doing this to blame yourself or your ex, but to extract wisdom.

Redefine what love means to you

You might realize:

• Love is not just intense chemistry; it’s also consistency and respect
• Being chosen sometimes matters more than doing the choosing
• Your needs, boundaries, and values deserve to be central, not optional

This reflection shapes how you get over a breakup not just by moving on, but by moving forward differently.

FAQs About Getting Over a Breakup

Why is it so hard to get over a breakup?

It’s hard to get over a breakup because:

• Your brain is going through attachment withdrawal
• You’re grieving both a person and a future you imagined
• Your sense of identity and routine has been disrupted
• Old wounds (abandonment, rejection, self‑worth issues) may be triggered

None of this means you’re weak. It means you’re human and attached deeply.

How long does it take to get over a breakup?

There’s no exact answer to how long does it take to get over a breakup, but many people notice:

• The most intense pain in the first few weeks
• More stability by 1–3 months
• Significant healing by 3–6 months, depending on the relationship

If you still feel completely stuck after many months and can’t function, consider reaching out for professional support.

How to stop thinking about your ex?

To work on how to stop thinking about your ex:

• Limit or cut off contact (no contact rule after breakup, or low contact if required)
• Set “worry windows” and use thought‑stopping phrases
• Build new routines, habits, and hobbies
• Create more physical and digital distance
• Talk it out with friends or a therapist instead of only in your head

Intrusive thoughts may still pop up—but they’ll become less constant and less intense over time.

How to get over someone you love if you still see them?

If you need to get over someone you love but must still see them (work, school, co‑parenting):

• Shift to low‑contact: neutral, brief, practical communication
• Avoid intimate conversations about the relationship or your feelings
• Strengthen boundaries: don’t hang out “like old times” while you’re still raw
• Invest heavily in your own support network and routines

It will likely take longer, but the same principles still work.

How to heal from a breakup if it was toxic or abusive?

When learning how to heal from a breakup that involved toxicity or abuse:

• Acknowledge the harm, even if there were good moments
• Lean on specialized support (therapy, hotlines, support groups)
• Expect trauma bonding—missing them doesn’t mean they were safe or good for you
• Prioritize safety, both emotional and physical, above all else

Healing from this kind of breakup can be slower and more complex, but it is possible.

Final Thoughts: Getting Over a Breakup Is Also Getting Back to You

Learning how to get over a breakup isn’t about erasing someone from your memory or pretending they never mattered. It’s about:

• Honoring what you felt, and what you lost
• Protecting your self‑respect and mental health
• Understanding your patterns, needs, and boundaries
• Rebuilding a life that feels steady and meaningful, even solo
• Opening space for relationships that are healthier and more aligned with who you are now

You may not believe this yet, but many people later look back and say a breakup—especially a brutal one—was a turning point. It pushed them to finally choose themselves, heal old wounds, and learn what real love feels like.

For today, you don’t need to see that far ahead. Focus on the next small step:

• Take a walk, even if it’s just around the block
• Mute or unfollow them on social media
• Put one photo or object away
• Text a friend and say, “Can we talk? I’m having a hard day.”
• Write one page in your journal

This is how you get over a breakup in real life: not in one grand act of “moving on,” but in a hundred small, intentional choices.

Each small choice is you, coming back to yourself. And that’s the heart of how to heal from a breakup and how to move on after a breakup in a way that leaves you stronger, wiser, and more grounded than before.